A Spacey Chick's Guide to the Universe

Michael texts me, “I need you to get Bill to our meeting this afternoon.”

I answer, ”’K,” hoping I can deliver.

Bill is a tough old guy with a headful of knowledge that we need, and a wicked sense of humor that he keeps well hidden underneath a gruff exterior.

Weeks before, I had managed a tiny chink in his armor when Bil agreed to back one of my ideas and I responded in an unexpected way.

“I’d like to say I could kiss you for this,” I joked, “but at my age I’m not sure if that would be a promise, so much as a threat.”

Bill shot back, “Something tells me it might be both.”

Since then we’ve been buddies, Bill me… It’s not the least bit romantic or sexy between us, but he’s not grouchy to me, always answers my calls & even calls me with a question every so often… It’s the perfect business relationship…

Michael has no idea why, but he knows that Bill treats me differently, which I suppose is why he asked me to get him to the meeting…

I pick up the phone and dial Bill’s number… He answers in his usual gruff tone, which softens a bit when he hears my voice…

After exchanging pleasantries, we get down to business.

“Bill, the reason I’m callng is because Michael wants me to get you to our meeting this afternoon. He sad to bribe you with cookies if I had to. So what kind of cookies do you like?”

“Did he send me an invitation to a meeting today? Let me look & see if I can find it.”

“It should have come about ten minutes ago,” I answer. “I can resend it if you want.”

“No. Here it is. Jesus, he just sent it ten minutes ago!”

“Ya, he’s in full-on multi-tasking mode today,” I explain casually. “He’s really stressing about getting all these planning meetings done in time.”

“Oh… So do you think I should screw with him & respond with a decline?”

“That’s between you & Michael,” I tease back. “The only thing I need to know is what kind of cookies you want.”

“You don’t have to bribe me,” he responds kindly, “but since you mentioned cookies, have you ever had those shortbread cookies from Panera Bread Company?” He’s feeling chatty now.

“No. But shortbread cookies are my favorites,” I answer, honestly.

“Then you have to try the ones at Panera. They melt in your mouth & you can taste the real butter. They’re not rabbit food, but I’ve never had anything so good in my life,” he says.

I’m a little surprised to find that Bill is a cookie connoisseur, but it’s nice to see him in a different light… We chat about cookies for awhile longer, and both hang up laughing…

Rhonda, a co-worker from across the hall, is standing there when I look up. She’s overheard my side of the conversation and knows who I’ve been talking to. “You’re actually going to get those cookies, aren’t you?” she asks with a hint of disbelief.

“Wanna come?” I ask, and she offers to drive me…

Panera only has four shortbread cookies left when we get there… I buy them all and give one to my secretary who is having a bad day, then take the other three with me into the meeting… When Bill comes in with his protege, I hand them each a small brown bag with a cookie inside… He can’t contain himself and starts laughing…

As the meeting gets underway, it becomes apparent that Michael is asking Bill’s team to take on a lot of extra work, but being the elusive type, doesn’t ask directly. After awhile, Bill decides to get all the cards on the table and coyly asks, “Who are ya’ll expecting to do this extra analysis?”

The question is followed by an awkward pause in the dialogue… Michael seems afraid to answer… We all KNOW Bill’s team has to do this particular job, but no one wants to say it…

I decide to break the silence.

“How about another cookie, Bill?” I ask, laughing and offering him the bag, as if offering a bribe…

He responds with a hearty laugh, which means it’s ok for the rest of us to follow suit…

After the meeting broke up, I ended up giving Bill the extra cookie, so I never got to actually taste it... But I did get a taste of its power, and it wasn’t even fattening…